The Piggy Bank of Eternity

I have a piggy bank. I think my sister got it for me when I was like 12. It's pretty big as far as piggy banks go & it's hand painted. I fill it with any change I have in my wallet & any change I find on the ground. (I love finding change on the groud, it makes me happy!) The one thing about it is that it doesn't have a whole or a cork in the bottom, so I have no idea how much money is in there. I know there's a lot of chage in there, I think I weighed it once & it was over 10 pounds. The point is that I don't know how much is in there & the only way to find out is to take a hammer to it when it's full.

I think that's a little like life. I think we have our own little piggy bank of sorts, except instead of filling it with pennies & dimes we fill it with love for others. I think that's where the true value in life is, in valuing & loving others. I think we won't know the true value of the things we've done or the impact we have on others until we get to heaven. I think it's then that we'll fully be able to find out the impact we've had on others. I think it'll be cool to get to heaven & discover that maybe something small like a smile or a kind word made someone's day & I never even knew about it.

I think it's really important to love others. I think we're so used to just going about our every day lives that we forget how special & unique we all are. So I think that by loving others, it helps to remind them that they are special. I remember one day I came home from school & walked in the door & my dad asked who was there. He was very offended at my response, which was, "Oh, it's just me." He told me never to refer to myself as "just me" ever again, because he loved me & wanted me to remember I was special. I've always held on to that memory & now it actually offends me when people leave messages on my phone saying, "Hi Kelly, it's just ________. Call me back later," or anything along those lines. So I go about my life trying to love others to the best of my ability, because it's the people in my life that matter the most & it's incresibly important to me that they remember thier uniqueness. We spend so much time being critical of ourselves & others that we can forget that our relationships are the most important things that we have. Things can get stolen, houses burn down or get demolished, but our love for others can always remain. That's where true happiness is.

"Happiness! It is useless to seek it elsewhere than in this warmth of human relations." -Antoine de Saint Exupéry

Children, Inhibition, and Things Unlearned

Of all the roles I play in my day to day life (sister, friend, daughter, student, etc), my favuorite one has to be my role as an aunt. I have three nieces & a nephew & they light up my life. There are times that I've been in a bad mood or angry & as I thought of them I could feel all that negativity drain out of me, being replaced by joy. I count it as a great privilege to have them in my life. I love being involved in their lives, but mostly it's not that I have an influence over them, but they have an influence over me.

I think it's amazing how we think we get smarter as we grow up. In many ways we do, but there's a cost. There are things we forget. My nieces & nephew have a gift that I envy & that's the ability to love uninhibited. Have you ever been loved by a child? It's completely amazing the way that they can love. Children have the power to love regardless of race or gender or social status. To them a friend is just a friend no matter what. All you really have to do is engage with a child and they shower you with this joyous love that can't be matched by anyone over the age of 7. All you have to do is meet them where they're at & they'll love you for it. I remember once I was having dinner at my sister's when James was still in his high chair & we were playing a game. He'd lean his head one way & I would follow suit. Then he'd move his head the other way & again, I would follow his lead. And he would erupt with this joyous laugh. He loved me for simply tilting my head in this simple game. I remember thinking it was amazing how we bonded over this simple thing.

It's like we lose this ability to love over time. I'm not sure if we simply forget as we grow older or if we lose it somehow. Perhaps as we grow up we're told by society that we should be more stern or perhaps over time we build up our hurts & close ourselves off over time, maybe both. In the end we lose this wisdom we had when we were young. I think I remember when it happened with me. When I was young I used to hug everyone & one day someone asked me why I did that. And that day I got the idea in my head that I should grow up a little & stop hugging everyone. I think that's the day I forgot how to love uninhibited.

I'm slowly starting to remember, and the children in my life are helping me. Having them in my life has profoundly increased my ability to love others. When there's a child in your life & you help care for them & play with them you discover a little bit of that joy which you had forgotten. Children take your heart & your ability to love and stretch it until you think it'll snap. And then you discover that it doesn't, that there's more love in your heart than you ever knew. And now that I remember these things I want to protect it in them. I want my nieces & nephew to never forget how to love like they love now. I wish to stand between them & all the hurts of the world. I know I can't, they must grow up eventually. Ever time I see them they've changed. But I hope & pray that they have the strength to remember how to love like a child.

Randomness of the Adventure that is my Life

Today, for whatever reason, I woke up in an extremely good mood. Today I feel thankful for everything in my life. I am so blesssed to have so many people in my life who care about me. Sometimes we can get so caught up & busy that we forget that there are all these wonderful people in our lives. Yesturday I dropped some shortbread off at my Pa's house & visited with him for a while. While he's not big on conversation, he's great company. And on the way home it really hit me how fortunate I am. I was driving home thinking, "Who am I to be so blessed?"

And I think part of this is the joy of the journey to get back to who I am. I think I let myself forget a little along the way. I'm not sure when it happened, but now it's just so much fun letting myself shine through now. I think life can be a great adventure, especially when you don't know where you're going. I'm not saying that I don't have any drive for my life, but I don't exactly know where I'll be in 5 years other than in a place that's different from where I am now. I'm just going forward & that's ok.

Actually, I'd say that's pretty awesome. See, I love suprises & I can't wait to be suprised as to where I'll go next. I feel a little like I'm stuck in this amazing book & I can't wait to see what's on the next page or chapter. So again I am learnig to be me. In some ways I'm pushing myself to be more me than I ever was before.

I think life can be one big collection of suprises if you let it. If you let yourself be suprised by the little things that happen every day you'll discover it's a lot of fun. For me that means appriciating the small things. Like today I found a dime on the floor. Yes, I know it's only ten cents, but I love putting change I find in this piggy bank at home. It's all kind of childish, but it's fun & I love it. If you let it, finding a dime on the ground can be like finding a treasure that everyone else overlooked. I think life would be so much more fun if we'd all look at it fresh & new like children do. I think we let ourselves forget how somewhere along the way, but I'm trying to remember.


"Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them."- Antione de Saint-Exupery

Living with Joy

Lately I'm thinking of how I would define myself & have other people see me. It's an interesting concept to think of. I think if I were to define myself with one word it would be joy. Yes, I will always choose joy. Given the choice I will always laugh & smile. That's not to say that I don't experience sadness or pain or that I ignore those feelings. I just think that it takes strength to not recoile away from the world & new expereinces while you're going through tough times. I think it takes strength to look beyond your pain & see the wonder & beauty in your life.

Consequently, I don't believe in bad days. There is no day that is so completely aweful as to be labelled a bad day. There is value & joy in every day if you choose to look for it. And we always have that choice. Don't get me wrong, I don't live my life with rose coloured glasses on. Sometimes life can suck but that doesn't mean I can't be joyous. Also, I find the more you choose joy the easier it becomes, to the point where it's almost second nature. Not only that, but if you choose joy,  it becomes infectious. You can infect others with joy & love. And to me, the harder it is to find joy in your life, the more rewarding it is when you do. With me a great part of this is my faith. My faith gives me the strength to choose joy.

Not to mention that it is just so much fun to choose joy. It is so entertaining to watch people's reaction to you when they think you should be in a sad place & you're smiling. I will not let myself be labelled by hardships or difficulties in my life. I always try to let my true self shine through. I always choose joy.